WHAT 42 BLIND-DATES TAUGHT ME ABOUT LOOKING FOR EMPLOYMENT
by Norine Dagliano
Once I recovered from a ten-year marriage that ended - much like being fired when the employer decides you are no longer an asset to the company – I decided I had gone long enough without a steady relationship and I joined a dating service. During the course of a year I had 42 blind dates – and just like a job seeker who racks up plenty of interviews (but few offers), I learned a lot about what it takes to succeed.
Networking is a great way to meet more people and uncover more interview opportunities. Let those in your immediate network know you are in the market for a new relationship and ask them to tell others in their network what you have to offer.
Never turn down an opportunity for an interview. Through every interviewing experience you learn more about the market and yourself and you make contacts that lead you to more opportunities.
We are more attracted to people who show an interest in who we are, what we do, and what we need. Instead of talking incessantly about yourself and what you want and need in a relationship, show more interest in the person on the other side of the table and discuss ways you can fulfill his/her needs.
Holding on to anger from previously failed relationships is not an attractive quality. If you were fired/RIFed/replaced accept it - and move on.
Desperation also is not an attractive quality. Sure you want a new relationship, but if you let the other person know that you are willing to do anything and take anything, you appeared damaged and undesirable.
How you dress for the interview reveals a lot about your personality and how you feel about yourself. If you dress “old” and look “old” you will be seen as someone who is too set in their ways. Likewise, if you show up at a five-star restaurant in a t-shirt and jeans you will come across as uncaring – or just plain ignorant!
Don’t try to hide what you perceive as potential barriers to securing a long-term relationship. If you are over 40, have kids, or different life goals you hope to attain, don’t try to hide it – once you are in the relationship, these things will reveal themselves.
Decide what will be the next step after the initial meeting. If you are not interested in the second interview, say so. Don’t say you will call unless you are going to call.
Pay attention to those subtle clues that this relationship may not be good for you and walk away. Listen to your “gut” and don’t second guess your instincts. Don’t repeat previous mistakes in the hopes of righting previous wrongs.
Know what you are looking for and you will find it more quickly. If you can visualize – in minute detail - what that ideal relationship looks like, you will confidently discard those that do not measure up and recognize the right fit when it comes along.
Unfortunately, it took me longer than it should have to learn these things, but I had only been in one long-term relationship and my dating experiences were pretty limited. I was getting a lot of poor advice from others who also had limited dating experience and there were no “dating coaches” I could turn to for guidance. As a result, it took me 42 blind dates to finally assemble the correct tools and techniques and execute a targeted search that led me to my ideal relationship.
I am happy to report that I just celebrated my 16th anniversary in this relationship, and although life offers no guarantees, I can assure you that we are both committed to making this one last!
Norine Dagliano, of ekm Inspirations, is an independent and nationally certified professional résumé writer (NCRW, CPRW, CFRW/CC) and job search coach. With more than 20 years experience, Norine has crafted powerful, achievement-focused résumés and provided logical and straight-forward job seeking tips and advice that has helped literally thousands of professionals in overcoming the anxiety of looking for working… and finding their ideal job. Learn more at www.ekminspirations.com
